People pleasing is often learnt during childhood. A child will quickly learn how to survive in their environment.
To please is to gain confirmation of acceptance, fitting in, being deemed okay, part of the tribe, family, community and to be valued by them.
How it begins
Children are told there are rules to abide by and achievements that can be accomplished. These are often followed by rewards of ‘well done’, which can subconsciously reaffirm the child’s acceptance within their environment.
Rewards can strengthen the belief that they have a good chance of surviving within that current group.
The pressure to fit in
In today’s world, children are expected to hit many ‘people pleasing’ targets in order to fit in.
Keeping up with siblings, peers, and gaining parental attention is not the whole of it anymore. Children are expected to meet educational targets, social targets, health targets, motor skills targets, even mental health targets.
There is always a measure bar for pretty much every part of their growing years.
“Am I good enough…”
A heavy worry for such a young mind.
How being a people pleaser can stay with us
As adults, and on a subconscious level, they may still feel the need to ‘please’ in order to be accepted.
They don’t always know why it feels so important. This can lead to anxiety, frustration, or regret, not understanding that it may simply be a subconscious habit formed during childhood.
A common question
Sometimes people ask:
“Why do I feel anxious and like I need to please, but my sibling doesn’t, when we were brought up by the same people?”
It’s a good question.
Even when people grow up in the same environment, they don’t experience it in the same way. Each person takes in what’s happening around them differently, based on their own nature, needs, and experiences at the time.
So while the environment may be shared, the experience of it often isn’t.
Change is possible
Fortunately, these patterns can change.
It’s this understanding of yourself, this awareness of your habitual thoughts and where they stem from, that can begin to shift things.
A simple reflection
Next time you notice yourself wanting to please, pause and ask:
“What am I hoping will happen if I do this?”
“Or what do I fear will happen if I don’t?”
🌿 A gentle reminder
People pleasing is not a weakness.
It is often something that once served a purpose.
And what has been learned can also be unlearned, or reshaped, to better suit the adult you have become.
🌿 What Hypnotherapy Is — and What It Is Not
What hypnotherapy is
Hypnotherapy is a guided, relaxed state of focused attention.
It’s similar to the feeling of:
- Being deeply absorbed in a book
- Daydreaming
- Drifting just before sleep
In this state, the subconscious mind becomes more open to helpful suggestions and new perspectives.
During a session:
- You are aware of your surroundings
- You can hear my voice at all times
- You remain in control
- You can speak, move, or open your eyes whenever you wish
Hypnotherapy works with your mind, not against it.
What hypnotherapy is not
Hypnotherapy is not:
- Mind control
- Being unconscious
- Being “taken over”
- Being made to do anything against your will
You don’t “go under,” and you don’t lose control.
If at any point something doesn’t feel right, your mind naturally brings you back to full awareness.
Will I fall asleep?
Some people feel very relaxed and may drift close to sleep, and that’s okay.
Even if you feel deeply calm, your subconscious mind is still listening and responding.
Others remain fully alert and aware throughout the session.
Both experiences are normal and effective.
Will I be in a trance?
The word trance can sound mysterious, but it simply means focused attention.
You enter natural trance states every day:
- While driving on autopilot
- While watching a film
- While lost in thought
Hypnotherapy uses this natural state intentionally and safely.
Can I drive afterwards?
Yes.
After a session:
- You feel calm, grounded, and clear
- You are fully alert and oriented
- You can safely drive, work, or continue your day as normal
If you ever feel especially relaxed, taking a few minutes to re-orient before leaving is all that’s needed.
What do I need to do during a session?
Very little.
You simply need to:
- Sit or lie comfortably
- Close your eyes (if you wish)
- Listen to my voice
There’s no pressure to “do it right.”
Your mind already knows how to respond.
A final gentle reminder
Hypnotherapy doesn’t give you something you don’t already have.
It helps you access your own inner resources — safely, respectfully, and at your own pace.
If anxiety or people pleasing is affecting your daily life, you may also find it helpful to read general mental health guidance from Mind.
🌱 Interested in learning more?
If you’d like to explore whether hypnotherapy could support you, you’re welcome to get in touch or book a session.
👉 Get in touch
